Recently, I started volunteering as a coach and mentor for a program at the local school called Girls on Track or Girls on the Run. It's an after school program that encourages and uplifts young girls by instilling self-confidence, promoting healthy lifestyles, and aiding in the daily struggles they face, such as bullying, negativity, and eating disorders. I've found it to be empowering for me as a coach and also a learning experience. Currently, I am assisting with Girls on Track, which is for middle school girls. I listen to what these girls go through at school and their home life and I leave them feeling sad. I leave them thinking 'man, I'm so glad I was home-schooled in middle school'. I leave them feeling helpless. The main contributors to their struggles? Peers and parents. I suppose it's to be expected that their peers would be part of their distress. Girls fight, cat fight, passive aggressive fight, play the silent game, pick sides, bully, manipulate. But parents? I've heard at least half of these girls admit that they never see their parents, they feel like their parents don't care, and that they feel their parents love their siblings more than the them. I feel bad for these girls. I feel bad that their parents are always gone, always playing video games, never come to their activities, dote on their baby brother, feed them Doritos for supper, etc. It makes me mad at these parents and I don't know what to tell these girls, other than, your parents are being lazy pieces of crap and I'm sorry.
But what may be just as disturbing is that the emotions they are going through as middle schoolers truly isn't much different than emotions I go through as a grown woman.
Disappointment
I'm disappointed in how hard it still is to maintain a friendship. I'm disappointed that as women, we still can't learn to support each other despite our differences of opinion and choices we make in our lives. While middle school friendships may be on a rocky path due to Susie talking to Julie, even though the rest of her friends aren't talking to her because she wore an ugly shirt.... Adult friendships become rocky because our lives take a different path. One of them is in a relationship and the other isn't. Or perhaps, one of them had a child and the other person couldn't connect with them anymore. Instead of being supportive, we tear each other down. I had an encounter this weekend where someone belittled one of my proudest and greatest accomplishments. In that moment, I had to decide whether I wanted to argue with this person and make it into a tense he said/she said moment or just let it go. I decided to not say anything because I didn't want to feed into what was likely bait for an argument. But afterwards, I second-guessed my response to the situation and wondered if I should have stuck to my guns and defended my choices. Either way, this person knew how I felt about this situation and decided to poke and prod me. This was uncalled for and negative. My gosh, we are grown women and still doing the same middle school shit we did half a lifetime ago. When will we grow up?
Low Self-confidence and Low Self-esteem
Judas. I'm a fit woman. I eat healthy. I promote healthy living. I love my body! I am confident in my choices as a mother, and as a wife. And yet, I often second-guess my choices. I see 'super moms' and crazy gorgeous women living their 'perfect' lives and think, hmmm, how do they do it all!?! How do they find the time to maintain two full time jobs: a career and being a mom, not to mention being a wife. How can I be more like her? Why do I suck so bad at life?! What did she do to deserve such an awesome life?! Why does it feel like I'm busting my ass every day to 'do it all'?! The self-doubt creeps in and I become resentful and bitter. I hate those women that get 'the good life', that 'are perfect wife and mother'..... where being a wife and role model just looks so damn easy. And, maybe it isn't easy and they're just being fake. But here's me being me. Being a wife is hard when you become a mother. Travis and my one-on-one time took a big cut. It's all about Oliver. But realistically, it has to be about him... mostly. Oliver isn't self-sufficient. He isn't shitting in the pot, cooking his own food, running his own bath water, putting himself to bed. He hasn't mastered driving himself places yet, either. He STILL can't climb up onto furniture! lol. It's pretty comical to watch, actually. I think he's just too 'husky'. Last I checked, Travis can do all those things. And I have to stop being so frickin' hard on myself that I can't be super mom and have a perfect house and 3 course dinners every day when I'm working outside the home. Maybe others are judging me, but I'm judging myself even harder. I need to cut it out.
I want to tell these girls that this petty shit they are facing now will be in the past and that once they're grown up, they won't face this stuff ever again. The truth is, they'll face it every day. Well into adulthood. I want to tell them that middle school is just a phase and once it's over, it's clear sailing. That's bullshit. Instead I have to tell them to build their resolve cuz it ain't gettin' any easier, girlfriend. They'll continue to battle for dying friendships. There will be times when they will feel lost and lonely in a sea of uncaring people. They will feel their confidence shaking and self-doubt rearing its' ugly head. They will question their choices as negativity pokes and prods at their resolve. I want to tell them to hold onto to something they know is good and right and pure. I want to tell them that they are bad-ass. I want to tell them they have so much goodness and beauty and power that nothing will get in their way. I want to tell them I believe in their capacity for becoming strong, capable, independent women.
Girl, I am here for you. Friend, I am here for you. Husband, I am here for you. Son, I am here for you. Family, I am here for you. I'm here to tell you that you matter to someone, somewhere. You have a purpose. You mean everything to someone. You light up someone's world. You fuel someone's fire. You are a good person. You are a meaningful friend, sibling, daughter, child, mentor, woman. Your resolve gives me strength. Your belief in something truly unshakeable and pure gives me hope. Thank you for taking the world on your shoulders. Thank you for being you. And thank you for reminding me to love and congratulate ME. I'm awesome and I needed to hear that. Now go be awesome!
