ok, but should it be this difficult?!

"They never said it was going to be easy."

This rings true for me in almost every facet of my life. The two things that stand out are: my health and being a mother.

This weekend was wonderful because my in-laws came and we accomplished a lot; however, I had a persistent and worsening headache as the weekend progressed. By Sunday it was borderline a migraine and yesterday, I stayed home from work and drew the blinds and laid in silence. I get migraines from my IV infusions I get every 8 weeks for my ulcerative colitis. The infusion is a medicine called Remicade or Infliximab. It is a chemotherapy that put my colitis in remission. I am glad it put me in remission but the side effects are starting to outweigh the benefits I feel as I am plagued with headaches almost daily and general fatigue. It also suppresses the immune system since the medicine is a biologic. This is one of my private battles I go through every day....debating whether I want to continue to do these infusions or get the courage to abandon this form of treatment and pursue holistic healing.

The second is being a mother. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but this child......my beautiful, angelic-looking, gift from God child. He challenges me in ways I didn't know possible. As if having a migraine wasn't enough, he wakes every two hours screaming bloody murder. Why?  I don't know. Probably the fact that he has 14 chompers that broke through his swollen gums in the past 7 months. I suppose that'd piss me off, too. Everyone's got a miracle solution. But, I swear, Oliver is immune to all these. Therefore, we suffer through it. I have to continually tell myself "they never said it was going to be easy". Agreed; however, they never said it was going to be THIS HARD!!!! I often wonder if there is any sanity left for me. I suppose I will one day sleep again but i'll be old and senile at that point, and miss being a young mother with a baby.



These are my confessions.....